Destination Wedding
Etiquette
Faraway affairs are
often less formal than homegrown vows. Still, when it comes to
matters like money, bridal gifts and invitations, a few rules
apply. Here are some tips to help guide you through the list
of dos and don'ts.
Guest List
You needn't feel compelled to invite your third cousins twice
removed, just remember that in between the cost of airfare and
accommodations and getting time off from work and school, not
everyone on your guest list will be able to join you.
Typically, about 70 percent of the people you invite will be be able
to attend.
What about those who
can't go? Throw a party once you get back home. This
kind of "reception" can be large or small, formal or
informal, and gives you and your new spouse a chance to celebrate
with all of your nearest and dearest. Plan a decor around your
destination, and be sure to have wedding photos or even a video on
hand to share with everyone. Generally, gifts are not expected
at this type of party, but well-wishers will probably bring
something anyway.
Save the Date
Your "save-the-date" cards for a destination wedding
should go out six months to a year in advance so your friends and
family can work the trip into their budget and work schedule.
This way you'll also have an idea early on of how many people will
be able to attend.
As the big day
approaches create a simple website to keep invitees informed of
travel and accommodation options along with the price ranges,
transportation details, activities, and any other information that
may simplify the process for your guests. Keep the information
current and email your guests each time you make a significant
change to your website. NOTE: Get
a simple free one page website with your honeymoon registry, or you
can get a full service website for as little as $7.95 a month with
eweddings.com.
Who Pays for
What?
At a destination wedding, there are varying beliefs as to what is
proper for the couple to pay for. Usually, destination wedding
etiquette states that guests pay for their own travel and
accommodation expenses, but there are some that state that the
couple (or whoever is paying for the destination wedding) should
also pay for the guests' hotel rooms and other expenses. Most
commonly, however, it seems that the couple is only seen to be
responsible for the cost of the ceremony, reception, and any other
“mandatory” events (such as pre-wedding dinners and other
activities). Often, a thank you card acknowledging the guests
attendance and a small gift is appropriate. Or, the couple could
offer to contribute to the accommodations or airfare for some of
their guests, or host a special event for all guests the night
before the wedding. The couple should not assume that everyone they
invite will be able to attend the wedding and guests should not
assume that the couple (or the couple's families) will be paying for
a majority of the trip. We have found that, on average, a guest may
spend between $750 and $1,100 to attend a destination wedding.
Choosing a
Destination Wedding Party
When choosing a wedding party for your destination wedding, it might
be a bit harder than if you were planning a traditional wedding.
Your wedding party will probably be smaller than an at-home wedding.
Destination wedding etiquette dictates that you should pay for the
travel and other expenses of your wedding party. Be sure to give
extra notice to your wedding party so that there will be no
conflicts on your chosen dates, and let them know that you're going
to be paying their way, so that those people you've chosen don't
feel that they'd have to decline due to not being able to afford the
trip.
Parents'
Destination Wedding Duties
The parents of the couple have differing duties for a destination
wedding depending on who is paying for the actual event. If the
parents of either the bride or groom are paying for the ceremony or
reception, they are also not expected to pay for the guests' travel
or accommodation costs. If the wedding is being thrown in a
traditional manner, and the bride's family is paying for most of the
wedding, then it is expected that the groom's family will pay for
the rehearsal dinner. They'll also probably be expected to chip in
for other items as well, but this should all be arranged before the
wedding party gets to the destination.
Guests'
Destination Wedding Duties
The guests at a destination wedding are responsible for the same
things that they would be at any other wedding. Even if they are
paying additional money to travel to and stay at a destination,
guests are still expected to bring gifts for the couple. They are
also expected to pay for their own amusements, food, and anything
else that they need during their stay. Guests should not expect the
couple to pay for anything beyond the wedding ceremony and
reception, and they should not expect to be entertained by the
couple throughout the trip. They should also give the couple
“alone time” after the wedding, after all, this is their
honeymoon!
Nuptial Favors
There are many ways to welcome your guests and show you appreciate
their attendance. If the whole wedding party stays in one
place, prepare a small welcome bag for each one. You may be
able to arrange with your wedding coordinator to have these waiting
for them in their room when they check-in, or you can personally
hand them out to everyone at an evening reception. This gift
can be a small welcome basket or tote bag filled with local maps,
native snacks, and an itinerary of events. A beach or tote bag
makes for a great keepsake and remembrance of this special
event.
Destination
Wedding Gifts
As with any nuptial, avoid the mention of gifts on your wedding
invitation. In fact, you should appear completely unconcerned
with gifts once you've arranged the registry. A family member
or member of the wedding party can inform guests where you are
registered and let invitees know to either send the presents to your
home or to purchase something off yuor honeymoon registry. It
is acceptable wedding reception etiquette to have the parents of the
bride or groom (or someone else close to them) let guests know to
send gifts to the couple's home, or to only bring gifts of money or
gift certificates to the destination. You can also register for
honeymoon gifts at Honeymoon
Wishes.com and your guests can purchase those little extras that
will enhance your weddingmoon.
Destination
Weddings Pre-Wedding Parties
Pre-wedding parties, such as bridal showers, bachelor and
bachelorette parties can bring guests together before the main
event. This can also hold true for couples who are having a
destination wedding, as you can have these parties before you leave
for the wedding. Typically, you should not invite people to these
pre-parties that are not invited to the wedding, as they are for
guests of the wedding to be able to give gifts and celebrate with
the bride or groom. If you want to invite people who will not be
coming to your destination wedding, you may wish to hold a party and
specify that you do not want gifts, so it doesn't seem as if you're
just having a party to get additional items.
Destination Wedding
Dress Codes
The first thing to consider is the environment of your destination
wedding. Are you tying the know outdoors in a beachside
setting, atop a hillside, or inside an elegant hotel ballroom?
If you're heading to an island, go for natural, lightweight fabric
like chiffon, silk organza and satin crepes rather than a big ball
gown. Look for dresses that drape your body rather than cling
to it, especially in a tropical climate. A shorter dress works
well in outdoor climate where you might get a long dress
dirty. You should skip the veil if you are getting married and
it is going to breezy.
For the groom a white
dinner jacket or light breathable fabric like linen and poplin are
great alternatives to a formal tux. Just make sure that you
both wear outfits that are compatible.
Because your wedding
guests may not have traveled to your destination of choice, they may
need some advice on what to wear. Depending on your preference
and your location, this can be anything from "cocktail
attire" to "dressy attire" to "resort
casual". Bottom line is that you don't want your guests
to feel over or under dressed.
Destination Wedding
Quality Time
One of the great things about a destination wedding is that you get
to spend quality time with your family and your friends. But
just because they are there, doesn't mean you have to share every
minute with them, nor them with you. If you have a few days
together before your wedding it would be nice to plan an activity
for each day, this way no one feels that they are obligated to spend
every waking moment together. You can even send your invitees
a questionnaire beforehand to determine special interests and
construct fun itinerary based on the resort activities. No one
is expecting you to plan activities for each hour of each day you
are together, particularly after your wedding day. Declining
invitations to socialize with your guests following the "I
do's" is neither inappropriate or against tradition. You
may also choose to transfer to another resort so you can enjoy a
true honeymoon, and your guests can enjoy the rest of their
"vacation".
When to Send
Destination Wedding Announcements
A couple should send wedding announcements to anyone (and everyone)
who was unable to attend their destination wedding. If you sent a
wedding invitation to someone, and they were unable to make it to
your destination, you don't need to send them an announcement, but
if you did not invite someone because you knew they couldn't make
the trip, you should definitely send that person an announcement.
Wedding announcements are often seen as being more proper than
sending an invitation to a guest that you know can't attend, because
announcements don't carry with them the expectation of gifts.
Announcements are also a great way of letting people know you had a
destination wedding, so they don't feel left out.
Having a
Reception After a Destination Wedding
Sometimes, a solution to not being able to invite everyone you'd
like to your destination wedding is to have a reception at home. A
reception that occurs after you've returned from your destination
can be larger and a great way to celebrate with all of your family
and friends. If you've had a really small destination wedding, or
even if it was just the two of you eloping, this sort of reception
can include everyone and be a compromise to having a traditional
wedding in your hometown. Receptions after the wedding can be big or
small, formal or informal, it's all up to your taste and budget.
Guests invited to this after-reception will probably be the same
ones who are sent announcements, so you may or may not wish to
include your invitations to the reception with them. Gifts are
usually not expected at these affairs (but some people will probably
bring gifts anyway!).
Tips courtesy
of DestinationWeddings.com, Elite Wedding Collection Magazine and
our own employees
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